On Suffering

I promised to put together a few thoughts on the idea of suffering. Here's the late night version of that pledge. There are many more well-thought out books available on suffering and Christianity (Fr. Corapi has some wonderful talks on it) and much more scholarly written than my Reader's Digest version. Please feel free to add any other resources, comments that might be helpful to others.

Once you've answered the question, "Is there a God?" in the affirmative; it's immediately followed by a second question, "Then, why does He let people suffer?" Right? If you've decided that God exists and is all loving and all powerful and all merciful; then how could it be possible that our world is filled with such incredible suffering?

There are those who believe in God who will tell you that all suffering is the product of the hand of a vengeful God, One whose wrath exists to punish those who have strayed from His flock. My take on it, however, is a little bit different.

First of all, let's remember that the same God we read about in the Old Testament who turned people to salt and flooded the earth to rid it of sin is only the beginning of the story. The fulfillment of salvation history, remember, is revealed to us in the New Testament--again by God (as the second person of the divine Trinity, Jesus). He comes to bring us a new covenant, one that is bound by a love and a mercy so powerful that His only purpose was to come from His perfect heavenly home to earth to die for our sins. That's where my understanding of the purpose of suffering originates.

The suffering of Jesus was the antidote to our sins. It paid the price for the sins of all mankind--past, present and future--and opened wide the gates of heaven for us all. Some might argue and say, "Oh sure, but it was Jesus, how hard could it have been for Him to suffer?"
Anyone? Anyone? Well, if you've ever read scripture or meditated on the sorrowful mysteries, you know that in those moments in the garden at Gethsemene it was hard--even for Jesus. In fact, it was so hard He sweat blood. He cried. He pondered. And He prayed. He asked God that if there were any way at all that "this cup could pass from Him" that He'd be just as happy to continue on His merry way of ministry here on earth. But He knew that His suffering had a purpose--to redeem mankind. It's such a beautiful image of the divine and the human nature at work in God the Son. In His humanness, he'd rather pass on the whole suffering bit, but there is at His core an understanding that God's ways are not our ways and sometimes we simply don't understand them. And so, a final prayer was said, "Not my will, Father, but your will be done." And with that simple act of accepting the suffering He was about to endure, the course of salvation history was changed forever.

Secondly, we mustn't forget that we truly are all part of one body in Christ together. When one part hurts, we all hurt. When one part rejoices, we all rejoice. There is an interconnectedness which exists among us that is almost unfathomable for the human mind. And because it was designed by God, it has a purpose, which God--in His infinite wisdom and mercy--will only use for good.

Think of it this way, if Jesus-the innocent Son of God's-suffering was the antidote to the sins of all eternity, then surely within the Body of Christ the suffering which exists--particularly that of the innocent--has mighty redemptive power. And if God, who is omnipotent sees that suffering, particularly that of the innocent, will bring about redemption within the Body of Christ; then while it seems unmerciful to us from our narrow human viewpoint, is actually truly merciful--because that suffering, when united with the power of the Cross, will bring the fallen and the broken in the Body of Christ back to their Father in heaven; just as the incomprehensible suffering of His own Son did over two centuries ago.

The REAL Reason I Can't Stop Blogging



H/T Mom

It did the trick!

I always thought you all were good people--but, boy, if I ever had any doubts, you've removed them all. What an amazing encouragement your words were to me over this weekend. I am truly humbled to be the recipient of such prayers and well-wishes (not to mention the beautiful virtual bouquet from Eileen!).

I'm only supposed to send these on to 2 or 3 people, but I simply can't do that. I absolutely must send them to all of you who took a moment to offer your kind words to lift my sagging spirit. Along with these beautiful blooms, know that I have thanked God for each one of you and prayed that He blesses you back ten times over!

"Woe to the solitary man! For if he should fall he has no one to lift him up... Where a lone man may be overcome, two together can resist." Ecclesiastes 4:10-11

Ethio-American Kids Community Happenings

The newsletter (see information at the bottom to receive this newsletter) was chock full of exciting activities for families with Ethiopian-American children in and around the Chicagoland area. Here are a few of the standouts:

Culture Camp Registration Now Open!

Mark your calendars for the Ethio-American Culture Camp this summer, August 1-3, 2008 at Wesley Woods Camp in southern Wisconsin. Join us for this exciting cultural celebration, filled with activities to enrich Ethio-American children and their siblings on their rich Ethiopian heritage!

Register today to save your spot at www.ethiopiankids.net. The early registration program fee (through 6/15) for Culture Camp is $40 to provide activities throughout the weekend, and families can also make lodging and camp meal arrangements online.

*Culture Camp volunteers are needed to help manage information/registration, activity planning, and the Saturday Evening Ethiopian Banquet. Email Bridget for more information.

Save the Date: Upcoming Events

Planning Meeting -- Thursday, May 15^th, 6:30-8 p.m.

Lalibela Ethiopian Restaurant, located at 5631 N. Ashland Ave. in Chicago.

Please confirm your attendance to Carol by Tuesday, May 13th.

Second-Annual Summer Picnic -- Saturday, June 21, 11 a.m.-1 p.m.

Burnham Shores in Evanston. Sign up will be available on the website beginning in May.

And Finally…Housekeeping:

· We need family photos for our Web site! Email photos to Katie Brabson at Katie@ethiopiankids.net.

· We want to hear from you! We’re trying to collect stories about adopting from Ethiopia. This is a great way to help pre-adoptive families learn from those who have already brought their children home. If you’d like to share your family’s story, email Dan Rafter at danrafter@sbcglobal.net.

· Join in the conversation: Sign up for the EAKC Yahoo Group at http://www.ethiopiankids.net/page2.php. The forum is designed to facilitate social and cultural activities for families, as well as to discuss issues and share resources related to adopting from Ethiopia.

· Building a Membership Directory – Our group has many familiar faces and we’ve got new families joining everyday! We’re looking for a volunteer to develop and manage a membership directory of EAKC for 2008. Email Carol for more information.

NOTE: If you wish to be removed from or added to this mailing list, please contact sarah@ethiopiankids.net

Twists and Turns

The highs were of the nosebleed persuasion, but the lows, well-their nosebleeds were caused by the swift connection of face to pavement that accompanied some of the moments here this past week.

If you've been on the Ark for any length of time at all, you know that our family is about to increase in size, through the miracle (and I can't stress the true miracle it is enough) of adoption. While you've heard and seen a few blips on the radar about the process, I've guarded my heart tightly with any news of real substance.

Why? It's not you. It's me. No, really, I mean it, it is.

By holding all the cards in my own hand, I thought that perhaps I could keep myself from becoming too emotionally involved or too attached to the little baby girl that we've been holding in our hearts for several weeks now--waiting for the paperwork process to catch up with the longing of our hearts. But my plan (go figure) is backfiring miserably.

If everything was moving along smoothly, I would be overjoyed to share our news, our excitement with you, dear friends. Thinking along those same lines, and with my knowledge of scripture, why then, would I have decided that I could single-handedly bear the heavy burdens of this trial alone?

And to boot, wouldn't you know that in this funny blogging world, I would find this morning affirmation of the self-same thing over at Margaret's place. God didn't create us to be alone. He created us as many, unique parts, with specific gifts and talents to be shared within the Body of Christ. No one part (or person) is any less important than the other and when one part is broken, the whole body is affected, which sounds like a terrible curse, right? But, in reality, it is the most wonderful of blessings, because it offers encouragement to those of us who find that when our crosses become to heavy to bear alone, we know that the prayers, sufferings and sacrifices made on our behalf by our brothers and sisters in Christ will help to heal us.

So, with that I'm coming clean.

To date, we have had:

• a glimpse of a referral of a beautiful, baby girl, who has some minor medical needs that would be better treated in the US
• worry for her, followed by encouraging news of her improved health
• concern about the completion of dossier paperwork, followed by papers which were miraculously expedited for us
• hope that an "official" child placement referral would arrive in our hands this week
• difficult news that there was a glitch with our official, notarized copy of our homestudy, which might delay the processing...which, in turn, might lead us to miss the court closure in Ethiopia...which, given the urgency of this precious baby girl's health needs (and here comes my worst fear of all) might strip us of the referral in order to place her with a family, who is paperwork-free and ready-to-go
• multiple phone calls to discern the best way to attack the situation
• and a most blessed priority package in the mail containing the official referral...
• which we are unable to "officially" sign until we hear back about the homestudy next week
  

And so it goes...in the meanwhile, this part of the Body could desperately use a little help from the Body's other, stronger parts.

This Morning's Wake-Up Call

Tornadoes? Yes. But this? No.

Anyone else affected?

Test Results

The answer to this week's spelling lesson is...(drumroll please)...

SNAIL!

Thanks to all who played. And yes, I do realize that this particular snail has some awfully large ears, but honestly, I was just happy my three-year-old could think of a word that started with the sound S and then illustrate it!

Inside Layla House-A Look at an Ethiopian Orphanage

Are you looking for a practical way to help orphan children? This story, reminded me of the most important thing we can ALL do to help.

Many times, upon the Captain's arrival home from Ethiopia with Hannah and Baby T, people wanted to hear about the experience.

Heck, as the parent who didn't travel, I wanted to hear about the experience.

Sometimes people ask because they are quietly considering adoption in their minds and wondering what it might be like to travel to a strange land, so far away, for the peculiar pre-arranged meeting of parent and child for the first time. Others wish to know about the conditions there-how different it must be from America-the poverty, the disease, the heartbreak. And a rare few are simply nosy enough to want to hear more about that very intimate moment of hearts colliding. But as much as people asked, the answer was usually something short and sweet--void of much emotion or opportunity for discussion.

Often, after the inquiring minds walked away, he would look at me and say, "I just can't put it into words. Maybe someday I'll be able to..." and then the moment would be over, the story stuck in his heart and mind, overflowing with unphotographable images, to wait for another chance at being told.

This morning, however, I read the story of another mom from our agency, Carrie of Willing Hearts, who recently traveled to Layla House (our agency's orphanage). Masterfully crafted, she manages to describe in heartfelt detail her experience while there. This should be required reading for anyone who is considering adoption and for those who have made the journey, whose stories haven't yet been told.

One final thought, if you aren't considering adoption, please-at the very least-when you are finished reading, pray our family's prayer for the waiting children:

"For every child who waits, a family waits for them."

Prayers for those who wait? Works for me!

For more Works for Me Wednesday tips, click here.

Spelling Lesson


Artwork by Naomi, age 3

Memorial Mass of Angels

Sorry about the late notice, but here's an important FYI-

Our parish's Elizabeth Ministry is holding its annual Memorial Mass of Angels on Tues. April, 22nd at 7pm. I wanted to make sure the word got out to people who might find peace and healing in this Mass.

This is open to anyone (you need not be Catholic to attend) who has been touched by the loss of a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, SIDS, and infant or child death. (*In cases of miscarriage, there is an eloquently written prayer and blessing for parents over at EWTN*) A reception will follow. All friends and family are invited to share in the support and fellowship of these loved ones.

Please forward this invitation to anyone whom you think might be interested.

For those who would like to have a candle lighted in their child's name, but are unable to attend, please feel free to email me at patjrsmom at yahoo dot com with the name of the child and the date on which he or she was born into eternity. Today is the last day for submitting information.

Sites to visit for papal visit

If you're looking for additional places to find information about the Holy Father's visit to the US, when you're not watching EWTN...here are a few that were forwarded to me:

• From the Archdiocese of Washington's site-Resource Guide for Teachers, Catechists and Youth Ministers
• From the Vatican-Apostolic Journey to the United States, including travel schedule
• From NCR, Faith and Family Magazine comes Pope2008
• From Circle Press:

Benedict of Bavaria (Circle Press, 2008) is the first book to examine how the culture of the pope's homeland, Bavaria, influenced his life, character, and thought by author Brennan Pursell. To read more (or to find out about the 10% discount offered during the pope's visit, click here).

• From the Pflaum publishing company website:

The visit of Pope Benedict XVI to the U.S. this week provides a unique opportunity for children to learn more about him and the papacy. Biographical information, teaching ideas, and reproducible activities for use with students in primary and intermediate grades are now available free from Pflaum. Click here for more information.

If you have any other resources that you'd like to include, please feel free to leave them in the comments to be added. Thanks!

H/T Claire and Amy

Making the Rounds

Well, it seems like this stomach bug isn't going to have any mercy on the Ark. Baby T ran a 104 temperature yesterday between doses of ibuprofen and this morning I awoke to the unmistakable sounds of The Boy not-so-subtly informing me that he, too, had been affected. The good news in all of this? (If a stomach bug could herald good news...) At least I won't have do the drive to track practice tonight...

What does that really mean?

If you haven't ever read Jen's blog, at least stop over and read this young, insightful mother's story of her conversion from atheism to Christianity and her musings on everything from philosophy to laundry!

But her most recent offering, is on the idea of "turning something over to God", and what it means. Her house-buying example is a wonderful example of an abstract Christian concept made practical and hands-on...and worth the read--even if you're not buying a house.

An Omen?

The stomach bug hit the Ark fast and furious this weekend. I will spare you all the gory details, but suffice to say that Baby T is its latest victim, which means that Baby T's mommy is running on little sleep this lovely Monday (it is Monday, isn't it?) But don't pity us, it's a good thing. The last time the Ark got hit with such a ferocious vomit virus was the week Hannah and Baby T came home from Ethiopia! As I tore through roll upon roll of paper towels and cleaning solutions, I thought it might just be an omen. A very dirty, disgusting, smelly one--but if it's signaling the arrival of new Ark members, I'll take it. Just pass me the mop while I wait.

Christmas in April

The forecast is for snow showers this weekend here, so why not Christmas?

Particularly because we're now *officially* waiting for a very special package to open, delivered by the FedEx man Santa---hopefully this coming week! And as soon as that arrives, I'll be able to post the Ark's Christmas letter--chock full of new and exciting family happenings--here!
Ho Ho Ho! Time to go bake some cookies!

Did You?

We did. Watch American Idol Gives Back last night, that is. We watched it last year as well, but since we TiVo'd it, we skipped through any of the images that might have been disturbing for our then home 4 months, Hannah, who had just gone through a year of grief and loss that might disturb even the most stoic of adults.

Last night, though, we watched together. And when the segments appeared of the orphan children in Africa, we held our collective breath and let it play. And together we sat, huddled around one another in our cozy, American family room and watched as the drama of the HIV-AIDS crisis played out in the lives of too many African children (and parents!) on our television.

When it became overwhelming, we drew closer to one another. A little one crept onto Mommy's lap, while Daddy's arm enveloped an emotional pre-teen. It was a moment of shared sadness. And this year we didn't look away because although the pain is still there, something wonderful, something magical, something miraculous has happened in the last almost 18 months. The pain has been lessened because the pain has been shared. Not a one of us looks at the orphan crisis in Africa any more and thinks, "Boy, that is just really sad." We look at it and know that it will take more than our sadness to fix the problem. And the very little bit we've done? It barely scratches the surface. For each orphan child who finds a home--a forever family--hundreds of thousands more like him (or her) wait with no one to help ease the burden of their pain.

The face of the fifteen year old left by his dead mother to raise his three younger siblings is no longer a mirage. He is the flesh and blood eight year old who sits at our table, who took her mother's job when she was too sick to do it herself.

The mother who visits the grave sites of her three children --ALL dead from AIDS--we can't separate from the family in Ethiopia who bestowed their blessing on our family as we promised to raise the children of their second daughter whose life was cut too short.

So, did you watch? We did. But this year as we watched, we really understood and we are poised to do something--to give back. For if we watched, thinking we understood, and didn't make any plans to change our actions, then we really didn't understand at all.

Tomorrow Morning

Tonight if you were to swing by the Ark, you'd find me burning the midnight oil in preparation for Thursday. You see, tonight, my darling husband arrived home with the final piece of paper for our dossier; which means that tonight, I'll be busily typing up our responses to our agency's Hague Convention required training. (BTW, it's a very interesting four-part DVD series by Dr. Bryan Post of The Post Institute, which deserves--and will receive--its very own post someday soon.) But before I digress too much farther, once my typing is complete I'll methodically check and recheck each paper before safely tucking them inside the nearest overnight mailer till morning. The neurotic in me will also notify AAI of its impending arrival so that they can alert every.single.person in their office to watch for it. Then, as promised, AAI will be delivering a very important package--crammed full of stacks of statements to pore over and absorb, photos of faces to study and letters needing to be carefully signed and dated--but more importantly, full of the unseen and unspoken, cautious joy of the hopes and dreams across the Atlantic.

This weeks Catholic Carnival is here!

Stop by at Sarah's for plenty of great reads (and some beautiful springtime pictures) this week. You'll be glad you did!

Method to His (March) Madness

This March, before the male of the species on the Ark became oblivious to much else other than basketball, I made a feeble, sports-challenged and yet-opportunistic-attempt at turning our couple of lemons into a fine, family-style serving of lemonade.

After divulging my plan to The Boy, he set straight to work. Selecting and printing out eight copies of this year's NCAA bracket; he went about labeling each paper with the name of each family member from Dad down to two year old Baby T. At dinner, a few nights before the fun began, I shared my plan to create family unity through the literal madness of college basketball. Looking back, probably there should have been a few handicaps worked into the scoring. Things like--unable to write (let alone read) the picks, second language English speakers, still wearing diapers and limited exposure to basketball in general should have counted for something, right? Well, maybe for me it would have. But the rest of the crew just plugged along, carefully selecting teams under the watchful eyes of their older and wiser and basketball-obsessed sibling. Using methods such as: "Do you like seed number 1 or 4?" "Hey, I've heard of that city!" or the ever popular, "I LOVE the color of that team's uniforms." Teams were systematically eliminated until each family member had chosen their favorite (or at least someone) to win it all. And, more importantly, the family member with the most points to win a chance at picking dinner one night!

Early on, those of us basketball-guru-posers, betting on the golden boy teams to easily stroll their way into the Final Four, were wondering if this activity wasn't such a good idea after all. The only one who maintained a laissez-faire attitude from the get-go was Baby T. And after multiple attempts were made to distract him from methodically applying liberal amounts of his dinner to his hair and face the night the brackets were completed, an executive decision was made to simply pick the top seeds to win all the way through.

And last night, even with one of his sisters selecting the correct winner of the whole enchilada--Baby T reigned supreme. Now if I can only convince him that the meal he chooses should not contain yogurt, raisins or apple juice.

Spiritual Fatherhood

In the hopes of offering a neat and tidy, pre-packaged guide to the FAQ about affording a large family, I grabbed the last copy of Scott Hahn's CD, Be Frugal and Multiply, courtesy of St. Joseph Communications / Lighthouse Media off a local parish CD rack.

What I found, however, was less a how-to list of cutting corners, clipping coupons and living within one's means than a reflection on God's awesome gift of life-giving love through marriage and the special role bestowed upon husbands and fathers. Certainly, there are plenty of tried and true as well as some bold new ideas on frugality out there. But none of them, not a single one, has any value when taken out of the context of the WHY behind openness to a family whose size is designed by God. Again, do not hear me saying that God is holding a reproduction competition and the family with the most children wins. To believe that is to believe that God doesn't love and need families of all sizes in His plan. But in order to understand how the Church's teaching on marriage often becomes the reality of super-sized (by secular standards, at least) families; we need to look at that teaching and how we, as husbands and wives, can apply it to our own domestic churches. In St. Paul's letter to the Ephesians, we read,

"Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord...As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands."

Taken alone, which it often erroneously is, this can sound terribly oppressive, patriarchal and perhaps, even, demeaning. When read together, with the rest of St. Paul's letter, however, we see that this is only one half of the teaching. The second half (speaking to husbands) instructs them to

"love your wives as Christ loved the Church."

I'll go out on a limb here and assume that Jesus' love for us, while we were still sinners, revealed in the mystery of the Cross is still fairly fresh in your minds from Easter. Not a small act of love, but rather a very generous one, don't you think? Jesus tells us,

"I came into the world not to be served but to serve and to lay down my life for my bride."

Christian husbands and fathers are called to sacrifice everything for their wives and children. As Christopher West jokes, "Now, I ask you, who has the better deal here, ladies?"

Real men know that for fatherhood to be authentic, it will inevitably require of them struggles and temptations of this imperfect world. It will be fraught with spiritual battles for the souls of those entrusted to them. And only by their own firm foundation in Jesus Christ will they be able to align themselves with Him and carry their families to the victorious cheers of Calvary.

When seen through the eyes of Christ, driving the less exotic--yet dependable--late model vehicle, sharing a romantic dinner at home with a nursing baby or passing up tickets to a professional sporting event--to instead meet the eyes of the child who scored the winning basket no longer seems such a sacrifice. Living out authentic spiritual fatherhood, as a man who seeks to love his family with the heart of the Father is, in the end, what will separate the men from the boys.

Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance. ~Ruth E. Renkel

Do any of you remember?

How long does it take from the time you file the I-600A to the time when you receive the approval to get USCIS fingerprinting done? Just wondering...

A Promise, A Prayer and Another Promise

The other day, I made a promise to a friend that I would pray the remainder of my morning rosary for her. (Ed Note: I usually pray my rosary in the car on the drive back from dropping kids off at school, which gives me time for FOUR decades, leaving me to fit the FIFTH one in at some other point during the day).

As it worked out, I was left praying the fifth joyful mystery for my friend--the finding of the child Jesus in the temple. As I hopped back in the car for another trip, I listened closely, meditating on the scripture, when I suddenly heard something with a new set of ears:

"Your father and I have been searching for you in great anxiety. Jesus said to them (Mary and Joseph), 'Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?' " Luke 2: 48-49

Suddenly, a great burden was lifted off my heart. The worry I was carrying for our not-yet-named newest child(ren) dissipated. Because as we wait for news, as I wear a path through the floor with my pacing in nervous anticipation, I found peace through God's word about the safety of our child. In our absence, God is with her (or him..or them).

It was a truly joyful meditation on that final decade of the mysteries of the same name. The promise I had made to my friend was fulfilled and in return, I was reminded of another promise made by God to us, His children.

Tagged!

Eileen, tagged me for this meme:

Seven Facts You Don't Already Know about Me

Directions:
*Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
*Share 7 facts about yourself that you think most people don't know.
*Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
*Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

I know you have all painfully endured the "8 Random Things About Me" meme, as well as the "Re-Mix of said 8 Random Things", but this one says SEVEN, which clearly makes it different from the EIGHT things meme. So, I'm including the link for the 8 random things, feel free to not read one of them, giving you only 7 gratuitous pieces of information about me that you could wish you never knew. (I'm just not that interesting. Heck, coming up with 16 was a stretch...)

Patience Thy Name is Adoption

I haven't spent much time with my poor, little, neglected blog over the past few days. I think it's starting to get a complex, but I can't help it. I've spent plenty of time in front of the computer obsessively checking email, but not so much opening the flood gates to my thoughts via the blog.

Why not, right? Surely, your thinking to yourself, she's had plenty of nothing to write about before. It can't be that her kids have stopped providing her with humorous anecdotes or witty reflections on life, can they? Perhaps the mundane has become just too, well, mundane to write about it. We did make a big family outing to Iowa, for Pete's sake, are you telling me we're losing our edge?

While all those things may be true, it's not my excuse. It would have been far easier to sit down and write about those things, than allowing the cathartic release of emotions relating to this current adoption. So, instead of my typical ramblings, there is silence. Probably a hallmark of passive-aggressive behavior or some other certifiable tendency.

If you've ever stood on the edge of a swimming pool, waiting to take that first jump in, you know where I am. More specifically, if you've ever been an expectant mother (birth or adoptive) you know exactly where I am. From the moment you know that your child exists, you want to protect it. The instinct to mother is strong, perhaps the strongest instinct we as mothers possess. And in a pregnancy, from the moment that little pink line appears, you wait for milestones affirming the safety of the new life you carry--blood tests, heart beats, ultra sounds, etc...reassuring you that life, literally, goes on. In adoption, the instinct is just as strong. And once you *know*, both literally and figuratively, that a new life waits for you, your heart lives outside your body--until you are able to hold him or her safely in your arms.

But right now, we're still waiting for the line to turn pink. And it's the longest three minutes I've known.

Prayer Request

Okay, friends, it's getting to be that time again. Things are starting to happen. Pieces are starting to fall into place. And perhaps sooner rather than later we'll be announcing a new arrival on the Ark, but...(here's where you all come in) there are still some unknowns, some uncertainties, some questions needing to be answered. While we wait, won't you join us in lifting up these two specific prayers:

• that in all things, God's will be done (and if He can shed a little light on what His will is that would be alright, too)
• that for every child who waits, a family waits for them
  

May I presumptively say, THANKS for your prayers!?! And hopefully, we'll have some answers soon.

What are friends for!?!

These two blog awards from my lovely bloggy friend, Easter are to me the perfect examples of what friends ARE for! I'm humbled by her kind thoughts--twice! And, in my very honest opinion, all of you who take the time to stop by here on the Ark to read, comment or email and encourage me in my family's faith journey are perfect examples of great friends, too. Consider all of yourselves *awarded* these sweet bloggy friendship awards!

Caveat Emptor (or more lessons learned from the Brady Bunch)



Just because it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck doesn't mean it's a duck. Sometimes you have to look more closely to make sure it's not a loon.


Last night, after the little ones were in bed, Beulah paged through her bible and suddenly piped up with this "fast fact" from the book of St. James. "James was Jesus' brother?!" she demanded. Surely, I thought, it had gotten too late or her young eyes were failing her. Quickly, I had the book in my hands and seconds later, after having scanned the "fact box" I had shoved the book under the Captain's nose in shock! My family and I have enjoyed many fine Catholic products from the self-proclaimed Catholic store where we purchased not one, but TWO of these bible. Knowing that we were ordering from a company that is faithful to the Church's teaching was and is very important to us. Originally, we purchased two Catholic Youth Bibles, but received a phone call from the company that they were unavailable. However, they offered the only other "kids" bible they had in stock. It was called the Kid's Life Application bible, and in good faith, on the reputation of the company, I accepted the replacement.

I am not certain if you are aware (we certainly weren't), but if you are purchasing bibles for your children, this translation does NOT include all the books of the Catholic bible. It is missing the Deuterocanonical books: Tobias, Judith, the Wisdom of Solomon, Baruch, and Maccabees. In addition, included in one of the "fast facts" boxes in the book of James is information explaining James as Jesus' brother, having the same parents, living in the same house, which would be contrary to the Church's teaching.

This information is not to debate Church teaching about the relationship between James, Joseph and Jesus (but if you are interested in that, you can read about it here), only to make future buyers aware, that even the most reputable of sources can make a mistake now and then. And it's up to us, as buyers, to do our homework.

A Special Day

Whenever I stop and think about the significance of today, I am simply overwhelmed. How often is it that you actually see and realize the hand of God at work in your life? I know He's there working all the time, but to get a glimpse...WOW!

So, today as we celebrate Baby T's SECOND birthday (the picture is from our celebration with extended family on Sunday), I can't help but remember that even before we considered adopting from Ethiopia--when we were still planning an adoption from China--even before Baby T was born--God knew he was to be our son.

Happy Easter, Every One of Us!

Are still carrying the joy of the Resurrection in your hearts this morning? We should be. That is the promise of the Easter message, isn't it? We are now a people of joy--not just happy people, for the "feeling" of happiness is fleeting, but people filled with the joy only God can give.

At Easter Mass yesterday, spread between two small pews (and one more on the altar serving!) I gazed upon my family. Big girls led little girls in singing "Jesus Christ is Risen Today!" with loud, deliberate choruses of "Alleluias!" My husband engaged a squirmy toddler with a board book of the Lord's Prayer, while snuggling a sleepy three-year old girl against his side. At one point, the five children sitting with us squealed with delight as their oldest sibling walked alongside our newly minted Monsignor to bless the congregation with Holy Water. Joy was bursting out of every pore on my overly-sentimental mommy face.

But for a moment, my thoughts spun wildly out of control. This moment that I was soaking in every drop of was fleeting and the sudden realization put an instant lump in my throat.

Why do we continue to be open to life after six children? Heck, why after two or four? People ask us this all the time and while it's been something that was always known in my heart, it's been difficult to verbalize. But now, I know. We have been blessed six times over, through births and through adoption, to care for these lives that God has entrusted to us; but at some point it will end--and whether we like the timing or not, won't be a question we'll be asked to answer.

Some day, from our squirmy toddlers to our crying babies, from our sleepy-headed little girls to their helpful big sisters, and right down to our one old enough to serve at our Mass, will all be gone. If we've done things well, hopefully, we won't look back and wish for more time we should have spent with them and more memories we should have made. But in reality, the finiteness of this life--I think-- will always leave us wanting more.

There is a story on the Couple-to-Couple League's website told by a couple while they were engaged and trying to discern if they would be open to life on their honeymoon, knowing that it was a fertile time. They did and nine months later their first--and ONLY--son was born. Ten years later, he's still their only child.

So many times this world tells us WE are in control. WE have choices. WE can have what WE want, when WE want it. But if you've lived long enough, or hard enough, you know that reality can be a cruel mistress. Ask that couple who is "unexpectedly" expecting. Or the couple who waits for news that they'll finally be parents. Talk to the parents waiting for an adoption to finalize. Or the couple who is busy meeting with a funeral director instead of decorating a nursery, attending a soccer game or scheduling college visits.

Our children aren't ours, created from an "add water and mix" packet readily available on every corner. They are gifts, given to us, by God, who lovingly allows us to assist him in co-creating His precious children. Looking among the pews at church Easter morning, my joy was complete, not because of anything I had done, but because of everything God had done for me.

Middle Management

The Boy has been requesting a small trash can for the bathroom he uses for several months now. (Oh come on, people, it's not like there aren't other waste baskets in the house. The Boy doesn't need any more reasons to think that he's got his own personal suite here, complete with garbage pick-up. You wouldn't want him getting soft now, would you?) But the Mother-of-the-Boy in me just can't stand the thought of her baby having to ascend an entire flight of stairs to dispose of his trash bag into (heaven forbid!) the shared family trash can.

So, last night, I caved. I spent a whole $2. 49 to bring justice and equality to the waste management situation on the Ark.

Then, I set said can at the top of the stairs thinking that the Boy would a) be thrilled to see his new, white, plastic gem and b) carry it down on the way to his room.

Much to my chagrin, this morning when I walked past the door downstairs, I noticed the now infamous can sitting right where I left it and realized that not a single can-requesting teenager had bothered to thank me for it. Gratitude, schmatitude. So, when the other kids found me in the kitchen fixing breakfasts and lunches and mumbling to myself things like, "didn'tevenhaveownbathroomgrowingupletalonecanhadtoshareONEbathroomwithfivepeopledoesn't knowhowluckyheis..." all but Naomi kept their distance.

Me (to the brave Naomi): Did your brother take his new garbage can downstairs yet?

Naomi scurried off and returned a few moments later boldly announcing: Mama, I took it downstairs for him and I told him that he should have taken it down himself last night.

Me (full of righteous indignation): Good! Nice job *bossing* your brother.

Candace (overhearing the conversation, chimed in): Waaaiiitt a minute! Naomi *bossed* the Boy? But that's my job!

Now if I can only keep the union out.

Portrait of the Artist's Mother


Artist: Naomi, age 3

The World Just Got a Little Brighter

with the arrival of our new cousin, who weighed in at 8lbs 11oz!!! Both Mom and baby are doing well. Thank you all for your prayers. If the new daddy permits, I'll post her picture here later!

Can You Guess?

Look at the pictures and see if you can guess what we were celebrating yesterday on the Ark?



Hint: Don't forget my use of the Northeastern vernacular in this case.

Cyber-bragging rights to the first one who guesses correctly!

On A Mission From God

Or at least that's what it feels like. Blogging will be short and sweet today on the Ark. My main goal is to run all over town trying to get papers signed and notarized for the dossier. The Captain has taken a few papers as well and is squeezing in a doctor's visit for the packet. Friday is the infamous "Laundry Day" on board--you can just imagine what that might look like. And, to keep things interesting, we have couple's bible study at our house tonight and I need to finish preparing the chapter. Any good recommendations on resources for people who want to know more about the Sacraments--or any of the seven specifically? Oh, and one more thing. I need a St. Joseph prayer for my MIL to use with little mini-loaves of St. Joseph's Day bread she's making for the 19th. I know I've seen some out there, but I can't remember where. If you know of one, do tell! And, speaking of prayers, (I know I said one more thing, but my fingers type faster than my brain can move this early in the morning sometimes) please keep my brother and sister-in-law covered in prayer. Their first baby is coming Monday morning!!!

Imagine--even after this week!

You Are 65% Peaceful

You are a very peaceful person. All is good in your world, no matter what's going on. Occasionally you let your problems get to you, but you generally remain upbeat. Your inner strength is inspirational - much more so than you may realize.

How Peaceful Are You?

H/T Happy Catholic

Down But Not Out

Q: What's the first thing you should do when starting an adoption?

A: Put your agency's number on speed dial.

What? You don't call and harass your agency's director with a barrage of emails and phone calls as soon as you start your dossier?

But on Monday, since it had been a whole week since we sent in our adoption contract paperwork and payment, it seemed the time was right for a quick checking-in. Little did I know, however, that an entire Pandora's box was there just waiting to be opened. We discovered that our agency's director had spoken directly to the new head of the Children's ministry and that the feeling in the Ethiopian government now is that children do better in small (meaning 5 or less children) families. Apparently that sixth child brings with him some sort of Harry Potteresque wizardry transforming the competent parents of five into knuckleheads who have lost their ability to parent effectively.

This wasn't brand new news to us. The issue of family size has been brewing in Ethiopia for nearly a year now. But prior to this administrative change, our agency felt confident that we would apply for and receive an exemption for the child or children we were referred. We were given a few options:

1. Change agencies. This large family rule doesn't apply to all agencies working in Ethiopia, only a few, but ours (because they bring so many large families to adopt--mostly large sibling sets, special needs and older children) is one of them.

2. Choose a referral containing either a set of three or more siblings (yes, I realize this scenario would only stand to make our unsuitably large family even larger, but apparently the Ethiopian ministry people didn't get that memo).

3. Choose a referral with an HIV-positive or seriously special needs child. Not what we were planning, considering the number of little kids here on the Ark still, and needing more prayer and discernment.

4. Choose a child or children who have waited a long time for a family. The agency could make a case on our behalf that-hey, a large family is better than no family.

There were a few specifics she mentioned to us, but we're holding our cards close to the chest right now until we have things sorted out. In the meanwhile, the Spirit is moving us to persevere, to press on, and to get that dossier packet finished.

Our kids are out there and we won't fall prey to the attempts of the Devil to keep us from them.

I know, I know

Yes, my most observant friends, I did, in fact, omit my own name from the new sidebar list of "Who's on Board?" I debated this for oh, at least several panicky minutes, before deciding I just couldn't come up with an appropriate way to name myself. Everyone else was easy, as the writer (both of the list and of the blog) calling myself "me" seemed an affront to pronouns everywhere and while it's commonplace on the ark to refer to oneself in the third person, I couldn't bring myself to do it. So, once again, I'm blegging for a little assistance. If anyone has any revelations about this, please feel free to let me or Jane or whoever she is know...

A Mother's Way

Yesterday, at our parish mom's group, we prayed together Mary's Way of the Cross. If you haven't ever entered into the mystery of the Cross through the eyes of the Mother of Jesus, take a moment this year--before Lent is over--to do so.

One of the meditations struck me as particularly poignant considering a conversation I overheard between Naomi and Candace the other day while we opened boxes overflowing with books telling the Easter story. I'm certain these girls have *heard* the Easter story before, but that day the reality of it all seemed to hit them right between the eyes.

Candace: (pointing to the crown of thorns) What is that thing?

Naomi: That's the pokey thing that the people put on Jesus' head.

Candace: Do you think it hurt?

Naomi: Oh, it hurt. It even made Jesus cry.

Candace: Jesus cried?

Naomi: Jesus cried because He hurt, but Mary held Him because she's His mommy.

As I read through Mary's Way of the Cross yesterday, I kept thinking about the words of my three year old. Did Mary literally "hold" Jesus? I kept waiting to see, but as the stations progressed, Mary only watched and waited, prayed and wept. As we began station number 13-Jesus is Taken From The Cross-I could barely choke out the words on the page in front of me:

"The crowd had gone; the noise had stopped. I stood quietly with one of Jesus' friends and looked up at the dead body of our savior, my son. Then two men took the body from the cross and placed it in my arms. A deep sorrow engulfed my being. Yet, I also felt a deep joy. Life had ended cruelly for my son, but it had also brought life to all of us. I knew this had to be, and I prayed silently."

Sure enough, to the end, Mary was Jesus' mommy. As Mary lived what every mother fears--the loss of a child--she held Him. Do you remember Jesus' words from the cross to his beloved disciple, John? "Behold, Your Mother!" he commanded, knowing that Mary's motherly love, the mommy love that held her son at the beginning and end of His life, is ours, too. She's just waiting to hold us. And it took a three-year old to remind me.

Wordless Wednesday

Wise Words

"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans."--Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

According to some information from our agency's director yesterday, when I placed a follow-up email to them, our plans to adopt may look different from what we originally thought. I'm still waiting for some additional information from her, but it seems that God may have different plans for us in this matter. Updates as I get them...

And So It Goes

Well, it seems as though the malicious pop-up attack is over (for the time being I suppose). I'm not sure exactly what item was compromised, but it appeared as if one of the *techie* items in my footer was to blame.

Honestly, I don't know who would go to such lengths to either a) waste their time adding filth-laden spyware to the mediocre blog of a thirtysomething year old mother or b) get their kicks by "re-writting" the code for what was once a nice, normal link and morphing it into the Devil's spawn. Either way, let me be the first to say, "Get a life!"

And to my dear friends, who combated the onslaught of pop-ups to comment or sent a response via email (especially all the emails full of prayers, encouragement and suggestions from Anne!), just to help me cure my ailing blog, let me also say, "You are the best!"

Popping Up

Is anyone else getting these annoying popup ads when they either a) visit my blog or b) on other Blogger blogs? This just started happening over the weekend and I've been into my template's html to seek and destroy any suspicious code, but I just don't see any! I've contacted Blogger's help group, but have no answer as of yet. Anyone? Anyone? Help!

Straight from the horse's mouth

If you heard the news last week about the state of California *outlawing* homeschooling to "uncredentialed" parents, you weren't alone. Fortunately, one of my favorite, most intelligent people also just so happens to be a homeschooling parent in the very same state. I asked for her response on the situation, and with her usual grace and attention to detail she responded. If you want to know the real story (and trust me, it's even more upsetting that homeschooling simply being made illegal) take a moment to read her answer.

Here's to your health!

Have you ever decided to add something to your daily regimen, make a change to your diet or aim to build a seemingly healthy new habit into your life?

I have. Over the last six months or so. And because I was armed with all but one very small, but very important, piece of information, my plan nearly backfired.

What did I do? Well, it won't seem as exciting as I've built it up to be, but just wait for the punch line. I decided sometime during the early Fall to begin regularly taking a multi-vitamin. Great, right? It's probably written in every primer on nutrition and health on the market, isn't it? And I, with the exception of when I was pregnant or nursing, had been woefully lax in adhering to this simple rule. I was, I assured myself, quite possibly the only adult female in America, NOT taking her Iron, Calcium and other womanly important mineral laden vitamin. So, I started. I selected a very simple vitamin, ensuring that it met the daily requirements for a nearing middle-age (ahem) woman.

After a few weeks, I wasn't noticing any major changes in my health--for good or for bad, but I soldiered on with my health maintenance. But as time went on, I started feeling sluggish. I had a doctor's visit only to find that five additional pounds had found their way onto my new, healthy self--without any of the joy of eating more. Within the last several weeks, however, I was taking tired to a whole new level. I'd go to sleep exhausted and wake up even moreso.

Then, by a stroke of luck, I happened to see the results of a blood test I had done in late October, to check my TSH level (that's thyroid stimulating hormone for you healthy folk). **Ed. Note: I've had hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid) for over a decade and have my blood tested and medication adjusted twice a year.** Why is this important, you might be asking? Why do we care about the results of your blood work, you say? Well, I'll tell you why. Because it just so happens that my TSH level in late October was nearly '5', which is considered in the normal range, but for someone with my thyroid condition, a level between 0 and 2.5 is the ideal. The only time my thyroid levels fluctuate are during pregnancy and since it's already March, I can confirm beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was simply NOT pregnant in late October. What, I then wondered, could have caused this change? When suddenly, it hit me. I had a vague notion about some long forgotten information about thyroid medication and its interaction with multi-vitamins. Sure enough, when I got home I was able to confirm that thyroid medication (Synthroid, et al.) should be taken at least 2 and in some cases 4 hours apart from a multi-vitamin. Why? Because the minerals in the multi-vitamin--specifically the minerals iron and calcium--lower and, even potentially block, the absorption of the thyroid hormone!

No wonder I was tired...and gaining weight...and a host of other hypothyroid-related symptoms...EVEN though I was religiously taking my thyroid medication. Why am I sharing this? Because it occurred to me that it's quite possible that if I, who have been on this medication for over ten years, didn't know immediately about this interaction, there might be someone else who could benefit from hearing my story.

I hope someone does. And, for the record, I'm feeling much better after less than a week of properly spacing these two daily doses! If you're interested, you can read more about this here, here and, regarding TSH levels and prenatal vitamins, here ( specifically the last paragraph).

At least I've still got all my stickers...

You are a Rubik's Cube

You are engaging and popular. People are drawn to your colorful personality. As much as they try, people can't stay away from you. And while you seem easy to understand, people can't figure out what direction you're coming from.

What Kind of Puzzle Are You?

H/T Cassel Crew

On Quiet

toomuchtoomuchtoomuch! has been my cry this Lent.

"Remove me from the noise!" I shouted to God.

And so, for Lent, I contrived scenarios of quiet. Mostly they were times when noise was elusive anyway--like at the break of day or in the quietness of a house wrapped in sleep. And God was there and it were good. And my overly planned silences certainly helped during the times when noise was my constant companion--like during the pre-dinner "witching hour" or the mad dash out the door for school at 7:30 a.m.

But rather than my will, through the courtesy of God's, He took it a step further. He removed the noise from me. It was only for a few hours, but it was in the depths of a valley of musts, shoulds and oughtas that were stealing my joy from what had started out as a pretty decent day. Suddenly, in the midst of the chaos of my mind, we heard a crack...saw a flicker...and then as the dusk settled in around our home--quiet. And in the quiet? There was God.



"Be still," God spontaneously said to me that afternoon, "and know that I AM."

And we're off!

After much consideration, we've decided to throw caution to the wind, (or more precisely) place our trust firmly in God's hands when it comes to this next adoption. So--believing that some of the policies and procedures, which caused reasonable doubt in our minds about our *eligibility* to adopt again from Ethiopia, will be well-managed by our agency (with the help of God's grace)--we're starting our dossier paper work for a child (or children--maybe siblings again?)! The referral may take a while to come or it may come swiftly, but whatever His timing, we're open to the life or lives that God is hand-selecting to join our family.

Shhhh...

There's a carnival afoot--a Catholic Carnival--and it's being hosted by Sarah at Just Another Day of Catholic Pondering. So grab your slippers and tippy-toe on over for some wonderful reflections this week.

The Favorite Parable Meme

Christine at The Simple and the Ordinary tagged me for this meme. The rules are simple and straightforward:

1. You name your five favorite parables
2. You tag one blogger per parable.
3. It would be nice if you linked back to this post.

I really enjoyed this meme because it caused me to do something I hadn't done for a while. What's that I did, you're wondering? Oh, you aren't wondering? Well, I might come back and read this myself sometime and find myself scratching my head, puzzling over what it was. It presented me with an invitation to sit and consider the parables for no other reason but that. And it was good. Here are my favorites:

1. The Parable of the Lost Sheep (Luke 15: 1-7) This parable holds a very special place in my heart. The image of Jesus, so overjoyed at His single lost sheep's return, hoisting it on His shoulders to carry it home is an integral part of my reversion to the Faith. Maybe someday, I'll share that story here...

2. The Parable of the Mustard Seed (Matthew 13: 31-31) A biblical reminder of how there are no small parts only small actors.

3. The Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10: 25-37) As a parent of children born in a different land and, myself, the ferenge in their homeland. This parable illustrates perfectly that charity and compassion are for all God's people.

4. The Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18: 9-14) Who among us doesn't need a daily reminder of our tendency to act more like the Pharisee and less like the Tax Collector? Except for me--because, hey, I pray the rosary, go to Mass (sometimes more than once a week), lead bible study, practice the works of mercy...(tongue inserted firmly in cheek here, in case you were wondering)

5. The Widow and the Unjust Judge (Luke 18: 1-8) - I don't think there is any topic more pertinent to a Christian life than that of perseverance. I've written about it before, but each year I grow more and more convicted that the Devil's greatest tool when it comes to snaring souls is to just wait for us to give up. This story reminds us that "failure is not an option". (Except for the Devil!)

I extend this invitation to consider the parables to everyone, but I'd love to hear the five favorites of Easter A., Anne, Cathy, Faith and Kelly.

Next time someone challenges...

that Pl*nned P*renthood is of vital importance to poor, underprivileged, minority women, who otherwise wouldn't receive adequate health care, tell them about this.

Waterbearers

This week, I've been so fortunate to attend not one, but two different inspiring talks at our church. Our entire family (yes, all EIGHT of us) heard Fr. Larry Richard's speak during the Parish Mission and I'm planning to share a little about that this week; but today, I simply must share about the retreat day based upon the story of the Woman at the Well.

As women, we are intimately connected to water. It has been so since time began. We use water in feeding our families, with warm water we bathe our children, we comfort the sick in our homes with compresses soaked in cool water, at the beginnings and ends of lives around us--water is present--it is a necessity, but as women we see the potential gift it offers as well. The story of the Samaritan woman at the well is one of the many gifts the waterbearing women bring to our lives.

The Women of the Scriptures teach and encourage us with their courage and faithfulness to God, strength personified in answering God's call for their role in salvation history.

The Women of the Past teach and encourage us with their wisdom and steadfast examples of what perseverance and endurance looked like at the end of a life lived for Christ.

The Women of the Present teach and encourage us through the sharing of their joys and struggles as we journey alongside one another.

The Women of the Future teach and encourage us with their sweet, innocent love for Christ and their unfailing trust in His promises.

These women,
the waterbearers,
journey together as one
through the waters of Baptism.

Sharing their joys,
their sorrows,
their struggles,
their hopes,
and the knowledge
that the water,
which connects us,
is:

ever-flowing,
never-changing,
always-present,
life-giving,
thirst-quenching,
and soul-satisfying--

Poured down on us,
providing for our every need
for all eternity.

Who are your waterbearers? Are there special women who have blessed you on your faith journey?

Stations of the Cross for Children

If you've not yet visited the Holy Heroes website, here's a great reason to check them out now---through this special offer you can get a copy of the powerful CD The Passion for Children along with the new companion coloring book "The Road to Calvary." Both items are bi-lingual--English/Spanish. What a wonderful Lenten resource or addition to a child's Easter basket. They are also running a limited time offer where each order placed receives a free coloring book of your choice! Don't miss it!

It's All in the Marketing

"How do you get your husband to do everything? He just goes along with whatever you want..."

I shared this comment from a friend with the spouse in question and we both rolled on the floor hysterically chuckled as we considered how the presentation of my *merchandising* strategy might have sounded:

"We've noticed a drop in your marketability among God-fearing, married, women with two or more children in the 29-45 demographic. You can see from these graphs and charts that by presenting your more appealing qualities here, we can expect to see an upswing in your likeability factor within the same test group. With these new "Husband Development Tactics" (HDTs), the fourth quarter should produce our best results ever!"

I mean, seriously, do you all honestly believe that this is how marriage--even the most perfect ones (and by that, of course, I include mine)--work? If so, I've got some oceanfront property in Arizona I'd like to show you.

That being said, I can see why it might appear that way; especially when a husband and wife, given all their faults and shortcomings, attempt to live out the most holy Sacrament of Marriage, using all the graces at their disposal, following the sacrificial example of Christ for his Bride the Church. Why? Because if that's not the example being studied-if the pinnacles of good marriages are coming from Desperate Housewives (Are those women even married? I've never seen the show, but the producers are so bold as to imply marital status with the word "wives" in the title) or John and Kate Plus 8, then, certainly, practicing even the most common courtesies of civilized society would create marriages where the love and respect spouses have for one another seems almost supernatural.

What good does it do our husbands, or our marriages, when we indiscriminately choose to air our disagreements, dissatisfactions or simple pet peeves for all the world to see? Years ago, I read something which cautioned young wives to be very careful in choosing which people and what information was shared during times of marital strife. Why? Because later on, when the argument was over, the confidant(s) might not hear about the change of heart or happy times in between the next verbal slaying they witnessed.

If, for example, my husband's obstacle course of shoes or antibiotic cultivating pile of soggy bath towels frustrates me, is it appropriate to climb to the highest mountain top and shout it to the world? Or what if the frustration is something less frivolous? (not that tripping over shoes or needing a Hazmat suit to clean the bathroom is frivolous--hypothetically speaking, of course...) But what if your husband is struggling more personally--with his work, his weight, or his family? Or perhaps the Devil has your husband in his vice grip, literally, through a serious addiction or crisis in his faith? As the Boy says, "What now?" What's out there on the internet? Lots of garbage. What's out there on television? Even more--as discussed here. Who does it profit to add your own dirty laundry to the pile?

Let's be clear. Don't hear me saying that you should bottle your concerns all up inside until they burst out in an ugly way involving a clock tower and the SWAT team. But, how about starting the conversation at the source--with your spouse--first? (Shocking and revolutionary thinking, right?) And it is important to have a trusted, faithful friend or spiritual adviser for some more difficult situations. Of course. And what about God? Through the sacraments, in personal and couple prayer, He is just waiting to pour out graces and blessings on your marriage. So is it necessary to divulge all of your spouse's faults and misgivings to the world? At the busstop? In the grocery check-out line? During your weekly coffee with friends or family? On internet message boards, emails or blogs?

And if so, at whose expense is it done?

The husband who feels belittled by his wife's demeaning portrayal of him?

The children who learn, by example, from their parents what a *good* marriage looks like?

The wife who exposes the intimate concerns of her soul and her family to everyone--INCLUDING those who don't care where her soul spends eternity?

My husband and I are perfect foils for one another, where I am weak, he is strong and vice-versa (or so he lets me think). He definitely doesn't do "whatever I want". And given some of the harebrained schemes I've proposed over the last decade and a half, we can all thank God for that!

"How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! And the tongue is a fire...With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth comes blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so." James 3: 5-6, 9-10