Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Patience Thy Name is Adoption

I haven't spent much time with my poor, little, neglected blog over the past few days. I think it's starting to get a complex, but I can't help it. I've spent plenty of time in front of the computer obsessively checking email, but not so much opening the flood gates to my thoughts via the blog.

Why not, right? Surely, your thinking to yourself, she's had plenty of nothing to write about before. It can't be that her kids have stopped providing her with humorous anecdotes or witty reflections on life, can they? Perhaps the mundane has become just too, well, mundane to write about it. We did make a big family outing to Iowa, for Pete's sake, are you telling me we're losing our edge?

While all those things may be true, it's not my excuse. It would have been far easier to sit down and write about those things, than allowing the cathartic release of emotions relating to this current adoption. So, instead of my typical ramblings, there is silence. Probably a hallmark of passive-aggressive behavior or some other certifiable tendency.

If you've ever stood on the edge of a swimming pool, waiting to take that first jump in, you know where I am. More specifically, if you've ever been an expectant mother (birth or adoptive) you know exactly where I am. From the moment you know that your child exists, you want to protect it. The instinct to mother is strong, perhaps the strongest instinct we as mothers possess. And in a pregnancy, from the moment that little pink line appears, you wait for milestones affirming the safety of the new life you carry--blood tests, heart beats, ultra sounds, etc...reassuring you that life, literally, goes on. In adoption, the instinct is just as strong. And once you *know*, both literally and figuratively, that a new life waits for you, your heart lives outside your body--until you are able to hold him or her safely in your arms.

But right now, we're still waiting for the line to turn pink. And it's the longest three minutes I've known.

6 comments:

Anne said...

Jane,

My most sincere prayers as my family waits with you.

I know the feeling oh so well, but all I can say is turn to Mary and beg her to wrap her mantle around you as you wait. She knows how to 'wait' well. Our Blessed Mother will help you to wait upon the Lord.

Blessings,
Anne

Anonymous said...

Good luck Jane. It all sounds very exciting. We hope things work out for you and your family!
Love Shaun and Paige

The Payne Family Blog said...

Hang in there. I can imagine the hurry up and wait game this must be. We will continue to keep you and your family in our prayers as well as pray a special hedge of protection around your newest addition. We do not know him or her yet, but God does:) Hang in there my friend!

Kelly

Easter A. said...

Jane,
So good to hear from you again! I can imagine how busy it was for you and the family.

Right here where I'm at and praying....

Love,
Easter:-)

Becky said...

Oh I so know your pain! We're praying and hoping things fall into place for you soon.
Becky

Michelle said...

Jane, when you feel the need to be silent, rest assured that in that silence you and your family are being prayed for.

Your heart living outside your body-you said it perfectly.

Hugs and prayers,
Michelle