Friday, May 02, 2008

Justify This

We had our homestudy approved by AAI back in October.

Our social worker (from Catholic Charities) gave us our DCFS physical forms, asked for a copy of our tax return and pet innoculations and told us to get those back to her at our convenience.

Eventually, mid-March , we collected all those supposedly "extra" papers and called our case worker. She came at the end of March to pick them up.

When we found out about our baby girl (about 8 mos. now at Wanna with some special needs) we were smitten. We told AAI we were interested and we asked for our dossier paperwork. We completed it quickly, sent it back and called to ask about the next steps (as baby girl's referral has a statement from the doctor in Ethiopia saying "to save her (baby girl's) life the adoptive parents should be allowed to expedite her coming to the US".

We were told by AAI that Catholic Charities had only just then submitted our homestudy to DCFS in Illinois for approval--and they had sent it back UN-approved.

First, we were told there were "issues" with the wording and it shouldn't take long to fix.

Then, after a string of nasty email/phone calls between Catholic Charities, AAI, and DCFS--AAI ended up getting a slap on the wrist because they had "jumped the gun" in giving us a referral before DCFS had put its golden seal of approval on it!

Trying desperately to keep the process moving and to get things going over here, we did what they asked. Suddenly, however, MORE information was needed:
  • Someone conveniently "forgot" that our son had turned 13 and needed a background check run.
  • Nowhere was the information containing the bedroom sizes or which bedroom belonged to which child. I provided that information and was told that DCFS should have had my homestudy this past Monday.
All week, we waited for news and now, today, my social worker (now on bedrest in the last few weeks of her pregnancy) called with a list of questions a mile long (things that I KNOW we have answered before like---how would you handle a special needs child, what is your family's daily schedule, do you have a support network in place, and on and on) supposedly because "well, you DO already have six kids, and DCFS really wants you to *justify* wanting more!(that's what was actually said to me--can you believe that?)

I am just sickened for our (hopefully) daughter who is the real casualty in this hideous territorial paperwork war. And I am simply shocked and appalled that any agency that would align themselves with the Catholic Church (whose teachings on openness to life are crystal clear) would question our motives for wanting more children---especially a child, who this very night, had no one to snuggle her, to wrap her blankie tightly around her, to pick her up and tell her how precious and important she is; how very much God loves her. And how someone's belief in the overriding importance of a list of rules was keeping those very things from her.


Julie said...

Jane: So sorry for the continued frustrations. I never worked with Catholic Charities, but my sister has. She and her husband has had a dozen foster children come and go in their home (two they were able to adopt), and her comment to me some years ago was this: "Catholic Charities isn't very Catholic."

The Payne Family Blog said...

Oh Jane... I pray that God lifts the road blocks and your little girl is in your arms very soon. Remember, His timing is perfect. It is so hard to understand why events unfold the way they do, but God knows and He is firmly and absolutely in control. Press into Him! I will continue to pray my friend!

In Him,


Eileen said...

Jane! Oh, this must be agonizing for you. I am and will continue to pray for you and that little girl who needs you so. Remember that, as God is guiding this situation, He's also taking care of her. (After all, if it weren't for you, who'd be praying for her right now?)

When you can't do a thing about it, you know it has to be entirely in God's hands. He's even bigger than the DCFS. (If you can imagine such a thing!)

You trust, we'll pray, and, God willing, that little baby will soon be in your arms.

Love, prayers and peace,

Teri said...

I am so sorry for all of this heartache. Lean on Jesus, and don't forget to trust.

Catholic Charities actually called me to tell me that AAI is conducting unethical work towards adoptions. She "thought I might like to know" since I mentioned to her months ago that we were considering AAI for our agency.

You and your family are in my prayers and so is the sweet little girl.


Stina said...


Prayers for you and your family, and most especially for your little girl to be in your arms soon.

patjrsmom said...

Thank you all for your sweet words and persistent prayers. Believe it or not, I still have peace about the situation. I am just furious with the so-called adults in this situation, who seem to have forgotten just whom it is they serve.

And, Teri, for what it's worth, I would have to say that of all the agencies at work here, the ONLY one who seems to be advocating on behalf of the child IS AAI.

If Catholic Charities isn't going to work with AAI, the winner there would most likely be you!

Praying for my prayer warriors!

Ericka said...

Oh Jane. I'm so sorry.
Will keep you in my prayers - for sure.
I'm so glad in spite of the craziness you are finding peace - that wonderful grace from God.
May that peace continue as you fight through the paperwork to get your baby :)

Becky said...

May you continue to feel peace and God's love throughout this process. Keep us posted and we'll keep you in our prayers.

Life in Fitzville said...

So, so sorry Jane. I know the frustration of waiting when there are special needs as well. Every time I got an update on Pipo, that he was sick and in the hospital, it made me so mad that we were still waiting when he clearly needed to be here!

I am shocked about the 6 kids comment. We have enough discrimination as it is with our large families... the last place we should be questioned is a supposedly Catholic organization!

Suzanne said...

will put you , the family and this whole situation on our daily prayer list. God is a God of miracles and I am sure you will hold your little baby soon:-)

Lucretia said...

Oh boy...the only time I've had any contact with Catholic Charities was an adoption orientation meeting where the caseworker stood up and began with "We consider every adoption a tragedy, the tragedy of a broken family." Yeah, ok. So we left and ended up spending almost 8 years as foster/adoptive parents through Lutheran Social Services. Some caseworkers were receptive to us being Catholic, some obviously weren't. In the end we adopted two children and when I expressed a desire for more the caseworker who would have handled all placements in our home said "You have two, why would you want more?" She then informed me that in her very expert (23yo) opinion, NO BODY should ever have more than two children, because the parents just can't take care of them. And I wondered why we weren't getting placements. I will hold you in my prayers that you can bring your little girl home soon.

Oh, and twenty-four hours before we were supposed to take placement of our first child; they discovered that we needed a federal background check, not just a state one and DCFS hadn't even submitted the paperwork. Took another 5 months and some major string pulling on the part of a family member to get that done.