Friday, May 30, 2008

Just Because

Just because the schools out East will force my poor little sis to continue working until after the summer solstice--how inhumane! and...

Just because my little girl "graduated" from preschool yesterday and...

Just because the big girls are finished with school today and...

Just because The Boy checks out next week. (Admittedly, if we're being honest he's checked out several weeks ago) next week and...

Just because the repressed school teacher trapped in my body is dying to get out and dance around for the joy of school's end and...

Just because this is too funny not to share.

Jeff Foxworthy on Educators

YOU might be a school employee if you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.

YOU might be a school employee if you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off.

YOU might be a school employee if it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered.

YOU might be a school employee if you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail....anything!!! Without ever looking outside.

YOU might be a school employee if you believe, "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on a report card.

YOU might be a school employee if you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."

YOU might be a school employee if when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

YOU might be a school employee if you have no social life between August and June.

YOU might be a school employee if you think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

YOU might be a school employee if you wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce.

YOU might be a school employee if you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge."

YOU might be a school employee if you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling and are willing to donate the UHAUL boxes should they decided to move out of district.

YOU might be a school employee if you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

YOU might be a school employee if you can't imagine how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public.

YOU might be a school employee if meeting a child's parent instantly answers this question, "Why is this kid like this?"

YOU might be a school employee if you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference

YOU might be a school employee if you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!

YOU might be a school employee if the words “I have college debt for this?” have ever come out of your mouth.

YOU might be a school employee if you know how many days, minutes, and seconds are left in the school year!

7 comments:

Teri said...

I absolutely love this! Thanks for making me smile today.

Becky said...

Too funny. Not only do I get the urge to snap my fingers at strangers children in public but I've been known to let loose with the snap and the reprimand...frequently;)
Becky

Anonymous said...

We still have a month to go! Today we celebrated Halie's 6th & Zane's 8th birthdays! (Yes, they're both born on May 3oth!)This teacher/mom would love today to also be the last day of school!!! Do you all start back earlier than us? Enjoy the "summer"!!! Take Care- Heidi P.S. Are you all coming out to the NY area soon? If so, do you want to try to get together? Let me know... We would love to see you!

patjrsmom said...

Hey Heidi,

We start school around the 23rd of August. We would love to get together. We're still planning our trip agenda. I'll email you as soon as I have details!

Jane

Ericka said...

This is hysterical!!!
I have several teacher friends, would it be ok to send it to them???
Thanks so much - still chuggling along with paperwork, etc here.....
Hugs,
Ericka

patjrsmom said...

Ericka,

Please feel free to send this along. I think you can click the little envelope icon at the bottom of the post and it will email it directly to them?

Praying for your paperwork!
God Bless,
Jane

Barb, sfo said...

Too funny--because it's too true! I linked to it over at my blog...I think I can relate to every last one of those items! Thanks for the belly laugh.