Tuesday, July 10, 2007

What did the Pink Panther say...

when he stepped on the ant? Deadant..deadant...deadantdeadantdeadantdeadantdeadant...deadant.

I've been rather hesitant in writing this for a very good reason. It is based on my completely rational fear of my yard being infiltrated by highly intelligent, IT-savvy ants. I just couldn't shake the thought that the queen ant had hooked up her geek squad of workers with little, tiny Dell notebooks and a brand, spanking new wi-fi connection. All of this in a pathetic attempt to read my blog and see what my next onslaught of attacks on their army might be. Be that as it may, I've decided to throw caution to the wind and announce that I think I saw their arms (or are they legs?), waving teensy, weensy white flags the other night. I know they thought they had us beat, but if I gave up that easily, I wouldn't be parenting six children. More than likely, given some of the younger children, I'd be off in a corner, curled up in the fetal position, rocking back and forth as I consummed mass quantities of the homemade vodka the Captain brought back from Poland 10 years ago. It didn't take spells, chants or any other hare-brained schemes to get rid of them. In the end, large quantities of poison ant-deterring spray and powder did the trick. Now, hopefully, the few that may still be lurking out in the backyard aren't the blog hacking type.

5 comments:

Lizardo said...

serious hacker-oriphia-phobia...
and the sad part is, you're probably right. the ants were against you. but you showed them!

in the words of So I Murdered An Axe Murderer -
"and then the earwigs in her ear had babies..."

word to the struggle.

patjrsmom said...

must you always make me look like the mensa losing sibling? excuse me while i go grab a dictionary (and that Polish wodka) and look up oriphia phobia. clearly you are beastin' all over the place again...or you're in a summer grad school/workshop class... ;-)

patjrsmom said...

I'm already back from searching and I've concluded that a) I really am dumber than I thought or b) YOU are the one who's been tipping back the Polish vodka because neither Google nor Wikipedia turns up any signs of Oriphia-ness...

Do tell...

Lizardo said...

of course i feel that my poetic license gives me more than enough space/encouragement for true ridiculousness and thus it is necessary that i make up words. to that end - based very much on the earwig in the ear - i have concluded that the reason i do not care for tiny tiny tiny creatures is because i do not want them to enter any of my orifices. Thus - oriphiaphobia. The spelling might forever change, but the sentiment remains intact. Gross.

patjrsmom said...

from now on your name will be lil' rebel jr.